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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Bieber Derps Harper Over IDLE NO MORE

Wearing his now famous bib-front coveralls and some say sporting a few days of facial hair, pop star Justin Bieber went on a rant in front of 64,000 fans in Scranton, Ohio, and called Canada's Prime Minister a "derp" for not even acknowledging the national aboriginal protest, Idle No More.
"I thought he was cool, but I was the fool," the baby-faced singer ad-libbed in an impromptu rap ditty. "Doesn't listen to his people, just goes up to his steeple."
The steeple comment is widely interpreted as a reference to Harper's recent disclosure that he is deeply religious and attends a fundamentalist church. Idle No More began as a regional protest by aboriginal women to oppose a federal bill (C-45) that allows natives to sell their land to non-natives and puts at risk whole native communities. One leader, Chief Theresa Spence, is on a hunger strike in protest and the movement has quickly become a national uprising by natives and non-natives alike.
Speaking to reporters following the concert and his angry outburst, Bieber said he had become friends with the Prime Minister after giving a private mini-concert for Harper's children and their friends at the PM's official residence, 24 Sussex Drive.
Harper recently awarded Bieber with a Queen's Jubilee Medal that lead to controversy over a wardrobe malfunction when one of Bieber's bib flaps came unbottoned exposing his right pec. The controversy resurfaced recently when Bieber's Medal was listed for sale on Craig's List.
"Harps has become so rachet," Bieber told reporters before leaving the Jim Beam BourbonPlex in Scranton. "He needs to moss and listen. I love the Idle No More movement...great title for a song."
The Prime Minister's Office declined to comment but an anonymous aide said that "The Prime Minister's response was NSFW."
Robin Steele
Reporting for The Lapine
*Derp is a slang term often used to mean "dumb ass" or the more recent "ass hat."
**Rachet is a slang term often used to mean "rude" or the more recent "head gobbled up by your ass."
***Moss is a slang term often used to mean "relax and chill out man" or the more recent "just blow a spliff."
****Spliff is a slang term often used to mean "marijuana cigarette."
*****NSFW is an acronym meaning "Not Suitable For Work."
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